A Fix Of Light, the debut YA book from author Kel Menton, is a trans love story with a dark magical twist - read an extract here.
Below, Kel revisits their journey from 'miserable teenager' to acclaimed first-time novelist...
I was a miserable teenager. Who wasn't, I suppose. My childhood was a jewel gleaming in the sun; even now, when I think the word childhood, I think of the ocean and hot chocolate and cows and horses and sand and towels wrapped around my goosebump-covered shoulders. Being a teenager was not any of that. Being a teenager was awful.
At the very least, I was getting incrementally better at what it was I wanted to do: writing. I wrote short stories and plays and poems and lyrics and books. I used to write collaboratively online with strangers and then other strangers would read the stories and fall in love with our characters. All I did was read and write and be miserable. But I missed being a kid, when all I did was read and write and be happy.
I often quote this Philip Pullman line, because I think he’s great and wise: "If we are going to do any good in this world, we have to leave childhood behind."
I wanted A Fix of Light to connect with teenagers who might be having the same experience I did.
You can rage and fight against the passage of time and the fact that your childhood lies behind a locked door you can never open again, but what kind of life is that? Grieve it, if you need to, and then turn around and go through the unlocked door ahead of you.
A Fix of Light was both of these things for me. Writing it was me grieving my childhood, and writing it was also me turning around to go through the unlocked door ahead of me. Writing it saved me from a life spent staring at unflinching oak.
A Fix of Light is about two boys, Hanan and Pax, who are trying to figure out where Hanan’s mysterious powers have manifested from, and end up falling in love in the process. It’s about what happens when your emotions are so big they don’t fit in your body anymore; it’s about how love is a feeling and also an action you have to do every day forever; it’s about Irish magic and fairytales. Sometimes it gets dark but it always always always comes back to the light.
Because I found being a teenager miserable, but one day I woke up and found that the door to teenagedom was locked behind me forever. Now I am an adult. Now I read and write and have a varied emotional experience, which is actually how it’s supposed to be, as it turns out.
I wanted A Fix of Light to connect with teenagers who might be having the same experience I did. I wanted it to say, "Yes, you’re right, this sucks! But look, there’s good stuff too! It’s worth it, I promise!" Because, it is. I am so, so grateful to be alive.
A Fix of Light is published by Little Island.
