Counselling psychologist Niamh Delmar looks at how bullying in school, at home, or in the workplace can impact a person, and what steps can be taken.
Bullying involves repeated behaviour causing psychological or physical harm. Bullies deliberately hurt another person or group verbally, socially or through cyberbullying. It is unwanted aggressive behaviour with a power imbalance.
What constitutes bullying are behaviours such as targeting, social exclusion and intimidation. The term can sometimes be thrown around casually which then dilutes the term. Bullying is not disliking someone or even a clash of personalities. While alienating someone on purpose can be an act of bullying, people just gathering or playing with their friends is not bullying. Having different opinions, once-off incidents or feeling aggrieved does not constitute it.
Harassment, on the other hand, is the targeting of another based on another person's race, religion, sex, disability or other status. Researchers describe bullies as enjoying aggression, being dominant and lacking empathy for those they bully.
Studies have found that bullies lack prosocial behaviour and self-awareness. They often misread the intentions of others. Bullying arises in the workplace, schools and family environments. It is a social hazard with a significant impact on those who are bullied. Bystanders tend not to get involved for fear of retaliation.
Workplace bullying
Repeated inappropriate behaviour that undermines a person's right to dignity at work is considered bullying. It occurs not only at the place of work but in the course of employment.
Despite wellness at work programmes, it is still prevalent. Bullying includes insulting remarks or a misuse of power on an ongoing basis. It can involve constant criticism of a person's work, deliberately giving unreasonable tasks, demeaning a person or spreading rumours.
Subtle types of bullying can feature deliberate exclusion, blocking someone's progress, or manipulation. Upward bullying can also arise when someone bullies someone more senior by showing a lack of respect or undermining authority.
People need to be clear about what is and isn't bullying. For example, it is not inappropriate for people in senior roles to challenge performance issues if done in a professional and respectful way. People may not like someone's personality, or have different ways of working, but that doesn't necessarily constitute bullying. Employers have a legal duty of care to protect individuals at work.
The impact
Bullying in the workplace contributes to absenteeism and sick leave. It has a significant economic effect with an estimated €239.3 million of lost productivity. By not fostering a healthy workplace culture, there will be a higher employee turnover and demotivated workers.
There can also be reputational damage to the organisation as word spreads. Costly and lengthy litigation may be a consequence. For the individual, it may be damaging to their health, well-being, self-worth and confidence. Physical health gets compromised with disrupted sleep, appetite changes, headaches, high blood pressure, stomach conditions and other ailments.
Bullied workers cannot perform effectively as concentration and decision-making become impaired. An unhealthy work environment is created, which also has a negative effect on those who witness the bullying.
What to do if you are being bullied
Educate yourself on what behaviours are considered bullying and what is not. Try to be objective and stick with the facts. Assess any attitudes or biases you may have in the dynamic. Try not to obsess, ruminate or demonise.
Be proactive instead. Set boundaries and communicate what is not acceptable if possible. Equip yourself with assertive skills. Log specific incidents with dates, times and any witnesses. Access the organisation's policy on bullying and reporting process.
To protect yourself, work on detaching your emotions from the situation, and staying non-reactive. Wear a professional hat. Talk it out with a professional.
If in distress, attend with your GP to determine if you are unfit for work, and to refer you for further treatment. When feeling stronger, you can explore all options. You can also seek information from the Health and Safety Authority.
Bullying at school
This is a complex and emotionally charged issue that involves parents, teachers and children of all ages. Studies indicate that bullying behaviours peak between the ages of 11 to 13. Physical aggression is most common among younger children while relational aggression arises among those more mature. Deliberate social exclusion is considered bullying, but a specific group of friends enjoying playing together is not.
Research shows that children who are bullied tend to lack assertiveness. Bullies engage in acts of aggression to enhance their position and are often seen as strong and popular.
Cyberbullying is an additional source of bullying and intensifies damaging effects. Spreading false rumours and demeaning comments which can be relentless. Students often don't report being bullied for fear of retribution, or they may feel embarrassed. They may be concerned about their parents' reactions or don't want to worry them.
The impact
There may be a decline in academic performance, acting out at home, withdrawal, sleep disturbance, school avoidance, anxiety and more. Some students suffer in silence or, if younger, may find it hard to verbalise and will internalise instead.
The impact can persist into adulthood with increased levels of anxiety, depression, suicidal behaviours, poor self-esteem and general health. Bullying during adolescence increases the risk of adult mental health problems by 50 per cent.
Neurobiological studies of adolescents reporting higher rates of bullying have shown differences in the brain associated with motivational processes. Hyper and hypo secretion of cortisol, the stress hormone, have been identified. Bullying impacts a child emotionally, socially cognitively and behaviourally.
Interventions
All involved have to be clear about what bullying is and is not. Educational workshops and visible reminders of bullying behaviours can be an integral part of school environments. A zero-tolerance culture must be fostered with an effective policy and response procedure.
I believe that schools are no place for smartphones. Prosocial behaviours and healthy interactions can be encouraged in person not in the digital world. Group cohesion gets strengthened through projects and activities.
Studies suggest that social and emotional learning (SEL) enhances interpersonal relationships, well-being, and academic achievement. Research has found that it also reduces bullying in schools. According to the Early Intervention Foundation in the UK, bullying prevention interventions include curriculum and whole-school interventions to foster antibullying behaviours and promote conflict resolution skills.
Parents can support their children with coping skills, social communication, role play, and advocate for them. They can document incidents, seek regular meetings with the school and access psychological support. During this time the child needs intensive support.
Facilitate open conversations with children about school experiences and friendships, and identify any symptoms of stress, depression, or anxiety. Build up their world and friendships outside school. Reinforce their self-worth and remind them what is going well in their lives.
Those who bully also need intervention, family involvement and close monitoring.
Familial bullying
Home is not always a safe space. Relational aggression, manipulation and other bullying behaviours can occur behind closed doors. People can feel trapped and constantly on edge. The emotional well-being of family members is compromised.
It is important to set boundaries and seek support. Individuals can be empowered to identify bullying and develop assertiveness. It may involve support to explore options to live elsewhere. Organisations can be of help and legal protection.
Use 'I' statements and talk about how the behaviours are impacting you. Make it clear what is not acceptable. Do not get sucked into arguments and try to regain control. The effects of familial bullying can be generational, and negatively impact how family members interact with the world. Trust issues, detachment and low self-esteem often arise as a result of being bullied at home.
On a societal level, campaigns to raise awareness can be beneficial. Early intervention and fostering healthy relationships from an early age in families and through the educational system will yield positive gains.
Bullying is intentional and repeated behaviour that impacts a person psychologically, physically, socially and cognitively. The effects can be long-lasting. Swift and effective intervention is crucial, but preventative strategies are essential.
Resources
If you have been affected by issues raised in this story, please visit: www.rte.ie/helplines.
The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent or reflect the views of RTÉ
