Aoife McHugh shares some of the lessons she learned while undergoing a cycle of IVF in Dubai.
As I sat in a busy cafe in Abu Dhabi, I felt like I was on the outside of life looking in. It was June 18, 2024, the final day of the sacred Muslim celebration Eid Al Adha, and the place was bustling. I could overhear happy chatter in both English and Arabic, with those around me sipping iced lattes, seemingly carefree.
I have been living and teaching English in the UAE since 2018, and a number of events led up to this day. As I gazed at my laptop and tried to focus on finding my flow, my upper left glute was throbbing from an injection of progesterone.
It was one day after our frozen embryo transfer, and I was trying my best to make my body a welcoming place for our precious cargo.
The previous day, I had felt full of belief and hope. The UAE permits pre-implantation genetic testing, which we chose to avail of. The results provided us with comfort, and we hoped this would maximise the prospect of a successful outcome. After one cycle of IVF, we were blessed to have one embryo to transfer.
A few months prior to this, I underwent a diagnostic laparoscopy to rule out silent endometriosis, and I also had a hysteroscopy to prepare my uterine lining for transfer. Thankfully, I was given the all-clear following these procedures, which in turn gave me peace of mind.
At this stage, we had done everything we could that was within our control, and it was time to let science and medicine take over.
On June 17, 2024, 30 months along the trail of unexplained infertility, we observed a tiny dot being transferred into my uterus via an ultrasound screen. At the time, I was almost afraid to breathe, but afterwards it felt like we were close to reaching the peak.
Up until then, I had tried to treat each stage along the way as a base camp, only focusing on what we needed to do on a given day, be that an injection, a blood test, or any other part of the process. Post-transfer, the final stage of the ascent had commenced, and our first pregnancy, potentially.
As I paused to reflect on what I learned during this time, I decided to compile my personal life lessons from an IVF cycle.
Choose Your Doctor And Your Clinic Wisely
When you first find yourself sitting in a fertility clinic, it can feel surreal, even if you've had time to ponder this prospect over the preceding years. I had a pulmonary embolism in 2020 when I was 32, and it was deemed too high risk for me to become pregnant until I stopped taking blood-thinning medication in December 2021. This was difficult because I was ready to start a family, but it was not advised during this time.
Around April 2023, my husband and I attended a few consultations in different clinics in the UAE, but ultimately, they didn’t feel like the right fit for us. There is a lot to consider when you finally decide to commit. It is not just a challenging time emotionally; it is a significant commitment financially.
Friends of ours then recommended a clinic in Dubai. This was a turning point in our journey, and as soon as we met our doctor on December 11, 2023, I knew we were exactly where we were supposed to be. He immediately put us at ease; he had a warmth about him, and he radiated humility.
IVF requires you to balance trust with vulnerability; therefore, it is incredibly important to choose your clinic and your doctor wisely.
Lean into Vulnerability
According to the World Health Organisation, roughly one in six people globally are affected by infertility. In our case, it was unexplained. While infertility is a health burden that many people face, I found that it is often not brought up in everyday conversation.
It makes me so happy to hear my Mam chatting to friends and family about IVF. We recently watched Joy together on Netflix, which tracks what went into the landmark development of IVF and tells the story of one of the remarkable pioneers behind it, Jean Purdy. I feel it will help others to better understand its origins, the process and the emotions it evokes.
Throughout 2023, my husband and I tried a number of mini-IVF procedures, which did not work. At first, I found it difficult to process the disappointments, but, over time, I found myself opening up to others about how I was feeling. I slowly realised that the more honest I was, the stronger I felt.
When I let my walls down, I was comforted by what I found. Friends of mine, who have found themselves in a similar situation, have offered me so much advice and support at various stages of this journey. There have been others, too, who have been there for me, albeit in a quieter way. I learned that people will support you the way they would like to receive support themselves in their own time of need.
Like anything in life, if you don’t go through it, it is very difficult to fully comprehend it; therefore, it’s unfair to expect everybody to get it.
Breathe and Be
As a yoga teacher with a degree in Positive Health, I am aware of the benefits of living in the present. Initially, I watched a few videos on YouTube about the IVF process, but I genuinely feel like no two experiences are the same, and I preferred not knowing exactly what lay ahead.
As we edged closer to milestones like the egg retrieval procedure or embryo transfer day, I found it difficult to keep my busy mind at bay. This is when I leaned on meditation.
I downloaded the Mindful IVF app, which had been recommended to me by a good friend. Mindful IVF was founded by Cork-based fertility specialist Gordon Mullins, with the aim of creating a happier IVF journey through the reduction of stress.
Reframe Your Fears
At the beginning of one of the meditations, the listener is reminded of the importance of having a fertile body and mind. While IVF involves dealing with the fear of the unknown, it is important not to allow this fear to take control.
On May 31, 2024, I began to think about the new month ahead and the prospects that it presented. As the seasons prepared to transition, I prepared my body and mind to promote the prospect of a successful transfer. I found three journal prompts in Daily Calm written by Padraig O'Morain focusing on fear, hopes, and expectations. Writing helped me to mentally reset for the month ahead.
There’s Wisdom In The Waiting
Just before noon on 26 June, 2024, the nurse called me from Dubai to share three words I was afraid I might never hear: You are pregnant. I cannot fully describe the joy and relief I felt in that moment.
I am aware that for so many others, their path may be ongoing or have a different ending. As hard as this journey was, I found it helpful to try to embrace the space in between by engaging in activities that were therapeutic for me.
Despite the challenges and the frustration, I know that my time was not wasted. As my Granny Mary always said, what's for you won’t pass you, and I have subsequently learned that there’s wisdom in waiting.
Our healthy and beautiful baby girl, Ayla, entered the world at the beginning of the sacred month of Ramadan on March 7, 2025. I feel like her timing was truly divine.
The miracle of her existence is the greatest lesson of my life.
If you have been affected by issues raised in this story, please visit: www.rte.ie/helplines.
